Saturday, March 19, 2005

Getting toned for my birthday

As luck (or Hell) would have it I'm turning 30 this summer. Could there be more of an impetus for getting into shape? No one wants to be 30 and fat or flabby or bubbling over with girth. No one really wants to be "more to love". They might say that but they're lying.
And now for a short dramatization:

Me: Hey body, what do you want to do today?
Body: Well, if you'd get your ass up off the couch we could go rollerblading. Remember how you like to do that?
Me: Yeah, I guess. But we could go to a movie or run over to Wings and get cheesy fries.
Body: Are you insane? If we eat cheesy fried ONE MORE TIME we're going to have a heart attack and the paramedics won't be able to do anything about it because their CRANE is busy lifting a box full of oxen.
Me: You're so rude. I hate you.
Body: Is that why you've changed me from a cute, thin, toned twink to this... this... thing?
Me: Yes, yes, that's exactly why. Are you an idiot? I didn't mean to. Look my metabolism slowed down and I wasn't prepared for this.
Metabolism (entering room): Oh, don't even try to blame this on me bubblebutt! I was doing my own thing when all of a sudden you went Hindenberg on me!
Me: I'm not blaming you...
Metabolism: It sure sounds like blame!
Me: Just forget I said anything... I'm going to take a bath.
Body: Well, don't be looking in the mirror when you undress 'cause I don't want to hear anymore of this self-depricating stuff tonight.
Me: Fine

Note to self: Get up early and work out tomorrow. Pick a routine and do it damnit!

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