Sunday, March 27, 2005

Dear father... it has been 17 days since my last confession, er, I mean, entry.

So despite my better judgement I have fallen wayside in my attempts to keep this pseudo-diary up to date. But here goes... March 27, 2005:

Patrick was here for the weekend and just left this morning to get back home for Easter with his parent's. I already miss him. When you live with someone (as friends) for a little over 2 years you get very accustomed to seeing them morning, noon, and night and then your lives change and you go different places and find new people and suddenly the world is very different and you wish you could sit on the couch with your best friend watching Godzilla movies and laughing about the assholes that you dealt with throughout the day. Granted, we've not lived together since last May but still... he was only an hour and a half away until Christmas and then he moved back home (five hours away) and it's hard to deal sometimes. But I'm glad for the time that I do get to spend with him and the effort that he makes to come down and be with me. If I had a car handy I would return the favor ten-fold but that's not an option right now. And who knows what tomorrow will bring anyway... luck, magic, money, fame... or the return of friends to a more fixed place in your life. May you all be so lucky and may distance not matter in your relationships.

On a side note I've decided to make myself available to the singles world again. No, I didn't just break up with anyone, but I had put dating on hiatus for a while now. I didn't have time and I just wasn't feeling the urge... crazy I now. What gay man doesn't want to be out (no pun intended) with someone every chance he has? Well, I didn't.

A story: Imagine the need to date as a big ripe watermelon. Now let's pretend that I had somehow swalled a seed (NO JOKES) during my last relationship. Well, when it ended it wasn't harvest time and the seed just sat there in my stomach washing around with the sweet tea, french fries, and Bruster's Ice Cream. Suddenly a couple weeks ago the seed took root and has been growing steadily. Now I'm getting this big ripe watermelon growing inside and it needs out. FYI - this is NOT a metaphor for sex. FAR FROM IT. This is a metaphor for the desire to be with other people, romanticaly.

Well, enough of my jabberjaws this morning. I need to show, clean house, etc. Wow, feel privileged. This was an extremely intimate journal entry. Those don't happen that often.


Saturday, March 19, 2005

Getting toned for my birthday

As luck (or Hell) would have it I'm turning 30 this summer. Could there be more of an impetus for getting into shape? No one wants to be 30 and fat or flabby or bubbling over with girth. No one really wants to be "more to love". They might say that but they're lying.
And now for a short dramatization:

Me: Hey body, what do you want to do today?
Body: Well, if you'd get your ass up off the couch we could go rollerblading. Remember how you like to do that?
Me: Yeah, I guess. But we could go to a movie or run over to Wings and get cheesy fries.
Body: Are you insane? If we eat cheesy fried ONE MORE TIME we're going to have a heart attack and the paramedics won't be able to do anything about it because their CRANE is busy lifting a box full of oxen.
Me: You're so rude. I hate you.
Body: Is that why you've changed me from a cute, thin, toned twink to this... this... thing?
Me: Yes, yes, that's exactly why. Are you an idiot? I didn't mean to. Look my metabolism slowed down and I wasn't prepared for this.
Metabolism (entering room): Oh, don't even try to blame this on me bubblebutt! I was doing my own thing when all of a sudden you went Hindenberg on me!
Me: I'm not blaming you...
Metabolism: It sure sounds like blame!
Me: Just forget I said anything... I'm going to take a bath.
Body: Well, don't be looking in the mirror when you undress 'cause I don't want to hear anymore of this self-depricating stuff tonight.
Me: Fine

Note to self: Get up early and work out tomorrow. Pick a routine and do it damnit!

Thursday, March 10, 2005's offensive "Come Together" Campaign has this campaign going on to promote unity amongst the gay community. It's horrible. Please read their Press Release below and then continue for a copy of the email that I sent to their parent organization, Planet Out. Ugh.


The "Come Together" campaign

We at PlanetOut Inc. strive to make bold and provocative statements through our advertising campaigns supporting the brand. Our goal is to make gay people visible to not only our community, but to proudly display images of gay people to the entire world. "Come Together" is no exception. PlanetOut knows that while not everyone in our community will have the same reaction to the campaign, the images will undoubtedly get noticed and provoke discussion. We believe dialogue is the key to uniting and coming together as a community, no matter our differences. The American flag belongs to all Americans, and we are proud to call ourselves Gay Americans. America stands for the concepts of freedom of speech and freedom of expression. At PlanetOut, we believe deeply in those same freedoms, and also in the freedom to love whomever one chooses. "Come Together" is our bold statement as we face the challenge of coming together as a nation, under one flag, with inclusion and acceptance for all.

--PlanetOut Inc.

The Campaign

What does the flag mean to you? Our latest national ad campaign, Come Together, embodies the American ideal of uniting people -- through the power of love.We've never shied away from controversy. The models are hot, the message is bold, and America is ready. Are you? Watch the video, view our slideshows, and tell us what you think. Can you tell the models are boyfriends in real life?

The ad campaign will appear on wallscapes, billboards, transit shelters and gay-focused print media in key markets around the country. Read the press release to find out more.
I probably could have written something more eloquent than this, but I was a little zealous in my reaction. Read on: on March 10

Sent on March 10th to:,

Dear Ms. Woodard and the officials at Planetout Inc.,
I am a 29 year old openly gay male who prides himself in volunteering
his time for projects that promote tolerance and solidarity. I believe
in the idea that we must "come together" and unite NOT just as a gay
community but as a global community. I am also a subscriber who
is ready to cancel his monthly membership because of the offensive ad
campaign that you believe promotes the very ideas that I listed above.

The "Come Together" campaign has no value to our community at all. You
offer us "hunky" men arguing about something - we don't know what, maybe
they're made that Old Glory only has three colors or that it doesn't
breathe well. Then, as an act of "coming together" they end up kissing
in bed together. While there's no obvious sex taking place, the
connotations are there.

You are only reinforcing every right wing lawmakers belief that we are
petty, antagonistic, sexual people. You are perpetuating steretypes
that have enveloped us for eons. Can we not show the world (and each
other) a more positive message than one of angry hot guys loving each
other under the American flag?

Please stop this campaign before the "general public" has the
opportunity to use it against us. I had much more hope for and than this. I'm sorry that you believe that this
represents us.

Ugh... people are so frustrating.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Short films make me pee a little.

I found a couple of short films online that made me happy/sad/laugh/cry/pee. They're all located on the PlanetOut Short Movie Awards 2005 webpage. The one in particular that I want you to watch is Sucker. It hysterical! The premise, as listed on the website, is "Two girls fight to the death over a candy cane." Don't worry, it's computer animated. The animation isn't great... Pixar has nothing to fear... but the shtick is slap-your-momma funny.

There's also a couple of really sweet shorts on their as well so I encourage you to peruse them at your leisure and see what you think.

On a slightly (completely) different note... I'm almost packed. I'm moving from a 2-bedroom apartment in my complex to a 1-bedroom. My roommate is gone and I can't afford the burdern/luxury of all this space... nor do I have the furniture to fill it. So this Saturday I will be busy shuffling my belongings between spaces. Woohoo. Moving sucks.

The cats are a little freaked out too. I really wonder if their world is like in Garfield, where they speak telepathically to each other. Maya (the big sister) would probably be saying, "Why the HELL do I put my crap on that spot if we just have to move again?" Pinter (youngin') would be saying "Hey, who moved my toys?" I suppose that's better than, "We'll wait till he's asleep and then we'll suck the life out of him... mwah ha ha ha."

Of course, I'd rather my own cats be the devilish culprits of that crime and NOT some freakish doll. My mom had this HORRIBLE life-size 6-year old girl doll that she got when she was little and KEPT forever. I swear to you the thing would move. Nightmares about her looking for me used to plague me when I was little (and into my 20s). I hated that thing. Luckily she's locked away in a storage shed. Not my choice, I'd rather see her melted into Matchbox cars but I don't have a say in the matter. :)

Well, that's all the news that's fit to print for the night. I'm off to find some food and then lay myself down for bed. Later skaters.

Did you know that crazy people are on the internet?

So I was chatting online last night when I get this random guy email me from Now, I'm a very congenial person (no laughing) so I said hello and humored him in his conversation. Suddenly he tells me he is going to jail tomorrow for not paying a traffic ticket. I told him how sorry I was and that being broke was unfortunate and related how my power bill is due and I'm having to make payment arrangements until payday. Well the guy totally goes PSYCHO and tells me how my "pasty self" should visit the "tanning bed" and that he hopes I move to Atlanta (random) where someone will cut my throat. Well, without hesitation I clicked "report this user" and filed a complaint against him. More often than not if someone is an asshole I just click ignore... but this guy actually threatened me (well, he hoped someone would kill me). It's called ZOLOFT pal, try some.

Anyways, it got me to thinking... would this guy pull this crap if we didn't have the internet? Would he call up random people and start an otherwise normal conversation only to go CREEPY on them moments later?

Yeah... probably.

So Mr. Crazy... if you ever happen to stumble onto this page... click this link and get some help. Good luck with that!

My Score in the High School Stereotype quiz

So I took the High School Stereotype Quiz online (thanks Ma) and I got the following score:

Drama nerd 88%
Geek 69%
Prep/Jock/Cheerleader 69%
Goth 50%
Ghetto gangsta 50%
Stoner 25%
Punk/Rebel 19%
Loner 13%

Um... 69% Jock? No way. Cheerleader, possibly.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Not sleeping... take two hours of the BBC's Shakespeares and call me in the morning.

Why am I up you might ask? Well, I've not been sleeping. I have to move on Saturday, finish my theatre history journals, AND figure out how to pay for living all while saving the world from the forces of evil.

It's a tough job. It's very much like being a Superfriend except that my Hall of Justice is a two-bedroom apartment, I don't run around in colored tights (often), and my cape is just an aphgan clipped around my neck with a clothespin. But here I am day in and day out consoling the world that tomorrow is just a day away and that sunshine spills from my rump. (Obviously it has too since this crap is spilling out of my mouth.) :)

In many ways its fun to be the guy that everyone goes to. It makes you feel good, special. I know that if my friends were bitten by zombies, died, and then came after me they would be hoping for my wit and quick thinking to save them. That or they'd want to eat my brains. Either way, they would end up with my thoughts on the matter I suppose.

One of my best friends, we'll call him Ma for short, applauded my consistancy in writing on this blog. He said he hadn't been to his in eons. (His blog can be located I looked tonight and realized I hadn't been on here in five days. That's a business week! I realized that if I had hired myself to keep this blog up and running, I would have fired myself for five days of "no call/no show".

Then reality came sweeping in and I decided it really didn't matter... it's just fun to spill the crap like this when the mood strikes. So, I put away my childish thoughts and turned on my childish TV and watched a repeat of this season's SNL. Amy Poehler is my new hero. Her character Kaitlin is hysterical. I swear to Jebus that I knew her in the fourth grade. If you don't get a chance to watch it, try. If it's NOT going to happen go to and read the sketches (usually it's just as funny to read it out loud yourself or with friends).

Ok, enough jabber jaws for now (not affiliated with Jabber Jaws cartoon character or Hanna Barbara Inc.) I have to TRY to get some sleep. Enjoy.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Crying for no reason... oh wait, WILL & GRACE is on.

So I totally started crying tonight for no reason. At first I thought to myself, "Am I a woman AND on my period?" Then I checked the drawers, realized I was being COMPLETELY ridiculous, and thought what the HELL is my problem.

I took a moment, looked around the room, spotted Will & Grace on tv and knew that I was still in fact COMPLETELY ridiculous. These two ficticious characters were lying their seperate and plutonic beds in a Berkshires lodge talking about how much they depended on each other and I blew. I blew hard. I huffed and I puffed and I sobbed the house in.

Apparently I'm a little emotional tonight. It's been a tough couple of weeks - I won't deny it. But personally its been a tougher couple of months that I care to believe. The saving grace is my best friend who through it all has been there and the fact that I am graduating with a SWEET job already in place for me.

For those of you who actually read this blog, I commend you on your valiant loyalty to my ramblings. I have denied you these past few days but trust in the fact that I am back and bolder than ever.

What's next? A chide comment about our Commander in Chief? A goody riff on Laura Linney's Oscar hairdo? Maybe... but I guess you'll have to tune in sometime in the next day or two to find out. For now, I have to go feed my cats and change shirts. Sitcoms can wreak havoc on the tear ducts and a 100% cotton T.