Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The Unwieldiness of the Water Bra

No, I didn't run into trouble personally with a water bra.  While getting ready for work this morning I was watching an episode of Will & Grace.  In it Grace gets a call from a former love interest who she thinks is calling because he saw a photo of her in the paper... and said photo makes it appear that she has a full bossom.  To avoid disappointing him she, thanks to Karen's nudging, buys a "hydro-bra" and wears it to his art opening.  Of course, thanks to the rules of the sitcom universe, she springs a leak and is exposed for being "shallow".  See clip below.

This reminded me of a disastrous encounter my mother had with her own water bra many years ago.

It is important to note that my mother was never one to be mistaken for having a large chest.  When the water bras were becoming popular she decided to indulge and see how she'd look.  She bought one and wore it several times without incident until...

While working in her store (a very small, boutique-ish perfume shop) she was suddenly overrun by customers at the counter.  Apparently a charter bus of tourists from Georgia had arrived at the mall and parked immediately outside her door.  Short-handed she went into power-manager mode and briskly moved about the counter pulling this scent and that cologne down for the ravenous customers who were happily handing cash in bushels.

At some point in her haste she must have snagged her top, piercing the bra just enough to cause a steady, yet minuscule, leak.  Being busy she didn't notice the leak at first.  It wasn't until some time later that she noticed that she had a thick, wet stain down the front of her sweater.  She didn't remember spilling her coffee and she didn't have anything saucy for lunch.  Then she realized that the wetness was oily and since she hadn't coated herself in WD-40 she knew that it must have been her bra.

The crowds had dispersed some but she couldn't leave the counter.  She shifted around, trying to conceal her newly deflated top (now drenched in the water/silicone fluid) behind boxes of Calvin Kelin and DKNY.  After an hour of personal-Twister she was relieved by her assistant and was able to sneak away to change her clothes.

And the moral of the story?  Be happy with what you have... because your attempt to make it "better" is likely to end in abject humiliation!  Granted... it is pretty damn funny... but still.

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