Monday, February 14, 2005

Everything I Needed to Learn in Life I Learned from Lizzie Maguire

Heavenly father, forgive me for I have sinned. I am 29 and actually enjoy watching Lizzie Maguire. Who out there hasn't endured the heartache of living in that limbo that is "Not quite the popular kid" and "not the nerd"? Picture it, Monterey, California, 1989... in walks a scrappy young guy of 13 into a keyboarding class (by the way, just for reference, keyboarding is not piano... it's typing on a computer, who knew) and begins plunking away at his first assignment in this new school halfway through his 8th grade year. (Note to parents out there: there is no reason to EVER move your child in the middle of the 8th grade year. Do you KNOW what this does to children? EVERYONE at the new school is bonded by the fear of loosing each other in high school after four years of classes together. Suddenly, in walks Geeky McQueer and all holy hell breaks loose. Ugh, just stop moving your kids around!) Anyhow, here I am typing away in "keyboarding" class when the teacher comes over...

"How the hell are you?" says teacher.

"Tommy," says I, "I'm new."

"Apparently so new that you don't understand what a B day is," says teacher.

"B day," says I.

"B day," says he, "our schedules flip-flop here at Walter P Colton Junior High School. Today's a B day." At that he took out my dot matrix schedule printout and circles period 4, 5, and 6 and draws a thick, black arrow to the 8am slot. "These go here on B days," and then he moves periods 1, 2, and 3 to the end. "Got it?"

"Sure," but not.

"Good, go to your fourth period class. I'll see you later in first period."

WTF? Who's brilliant idea was this? Let's really screw with the principles of time and space and see if we can add an OUNCE more misery to an already dreadful 8th grade year.

So back to Lizzie Maguire... granted she's got it made (personal stylist, kick ass parents, yada yada) but she still struggles through life's most torturous trials. Having a multi-year crush, discovering a zit on the night of the school's fall festival dance, and realizing that her she is the best person on the inside and out yet keeping a cool head about it all along.

So kudos to you Lizzie... you made A Day/B Day a thing of the past (which is was, but is now a distant fleck of pain that has no bearing on my present... seriously).

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